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I want to be a designer.
feeling: drained
It's true baby. DISCLAIMER: This entry is mostly for the benefit of my own brain. Writing and rewriting my thoughts forces me to try and make sense of them. Sorry if this bores anyone to death.
Just when I got started, I need to set aside the 100 themes for a while (maybe not forever though! The folders I had set up are on a disc now. I'm hoping to post some WIP images of what I was up to at this point too). In fact I'm contemplating putting away any non-uni related sketchbook, for the following reasons:
1. I've just realised I hate sketchbooks and the only reason I ever drew in them was because it was what your stereotypical artist did.
Which is great, except I'm heading seriously towards design as a career, not art; and I'm a perfectionist. I went through my stack of ancient and scary sketchbooks in my cupboard a while ago and almost every pad was half the thickness it should have been due to pages being ripped out in frustration. The drawings that were in the books had been started, deemed not good enough and never finished. I can now stick with a drawing till it's done but I still rip it out and throw it away if I hate it. So now I draw on printer paper and either stick it in a folder or glue it into a sketchpad. Works better for me and results in less ripping up :p
2. I find it really, really hard to separate leisure time and work time. Even though I do uni homework I often don't focus enough on it, and I'd like to. I'm doing 2 amazing subjects this semester (animation and identity design) and, uh, typography, which is less interesting to me. Essentially though, time spent drawing fairly bad Doctor Who fanart could be spent on university work. I've become really interested in design, computer-based art and illustrative design and I'm excited about starting my career. But everyone has to start somewhere and I have to start with actually keeping up with my homework and self-directed learning. I'm enjoying and understanding my classes this semester but I haven't really become dedicated to them enough yet. Not to mention I'm way behind in Flash since I haven't got the textbook still :/
3. I draw fanart all the time and I need to be moving away from that a bit. In other words, a lot. I started the 100 themes to fill up my own time at the end of the holidays and set a goal for myself, but now other work has to be done. Not to mention I want a creative career and fanart (especially by me :() is often not very creative or original at all.
4. I hate the vast majority of what I draw. Keeping a sketchbook is a painful process for me because many artists have a distinctive style - their images become better over time, but looking through a gallery of their images there's still a stylistic 'link' that I've never had. Some people have a cartoony style, others create fairytale-like paintings and drawings, some do manga or fantasy or whatever, but the overall style and feel of their work is connected (with maybe one or two exceptions I guess). I draw a lot of random disconnected crap, sometimes realism, sometimes crappy scribbles, often cartoony and chunky. I'm not saying a style is necessary but on the internet, and DeviantArt especially, I encounter a lot of artists who do have one and I feel slightly frustrated. And yet I don't need to feel this way - I'm not an illustrator or animator, which leads into my next point:
5. As I've said, I want to be a designer, not an artist. I don't actually need to be excellent at drawing people, or cats, or shoes, or whatever. If anything I should be trying to expand the range of things I include in images. I feel like I'm a little too obsessed with spending my time drawing people when it should really be a hobby for me, and nothing else... Compositions and ideas are what I've come to find important in artwork.
However I do still love doodling, like that Boosh scribble I just posted. It frees you up to just draw something familiar and quick. I need to post some Ashes to Ashes scribbles I've done :)
I am contemplating starting a sketchbook/journal combo. Jot down ideas as well as drawings (maybe try drawing in everyday life too), try and loosen up, record ideas as they come to me then put them aside for later. Collaging would be good as well. I'm feeling quite inspired by this place. I have a lovely moleskine sitting on my desk, luring me in with its thin paper and round corners... *drool* I so want to buy some more of these babies.
SRS REPLY.
Firstly, Rabbit, you DO have a style. A very distinctive one. I don't know why you can't see it yourself, but it's been there all along. If you didn't rip out so many pages of "bad" drawings and didn't delete or scrap things from your DA gallery, maybe you would be able to see how much you've improved over time, and how much your style has developed. You've had your own style since I first met you, and although it's definitely changed, I can ALWAYS tell that it's your art. Whether you draw cartoons or realism, it's always obviously Rabbit.
Secondly, you're thinking WAY too much about this. You don't have to be an "artist" or a "designer." No one says you can't do both. While it's great that you're clearly quite focused, you don't have to restrict yourself from drawing fanart because it's not what a "designer" would draw. You're supposed to draw what makes you happy, when it makes you happy. If fanart isn't making you happy, by all means, don't draw it. But you say you love scribbling and doodling boosh things. There is no reason why you should feel guilty about that.
If you want to dedicate more time to your studies, then all power to you. If learning more about design is exciting and interesting, this is awesome- and you're clearly on the right track. But don't think that you should have to restrict yourself to having a "career" or a "hobby." Just draw whatever you like! You don't NEED to be "excellent" at drawing anything. Don't think about it that way. Just DRAW.
My sister was just telling me about these books that are the scribbles of famous artists and designers. She said there's this one for Collette Dinnigan, the fashion designer. When she's in meetings she always scribbles random things, and there's this one of a beautiful peacock. She would never have to draw a peacock for work. So she's clearly keeping herself interested, drawing what she likes- AND this peacock could be later reworked into a proper design, like for the pattern of a dress. So scribbles ARE worthwhile.
I completely understand your frustration! If you feel like you just need to clear out old artworks and scribbles as part of your process of growing as a designer, then do it. Do what you think is best. But draw MOAR.